My miracle tree has 1000 lights - I can't wait!

Thinking I was helping myself avoid the beating of putting lights on our fake tree, I bought a brand new 7 foot pre-lite "miracle tree" from JCPenny - the morning after Thanksgiving! I got a heck of a deal, so they say, $399.00 tree for $110.00. By the way - "a miracle tree" - means you simply open the tree - and put it in place - it requires no extra manipulating of the branches to create a replica of a perfectly formed Douglas fir.

After dinner Monday night the request came from "our home management director" for the miracle tree to be placed in it's spot of honor in our den. After the appropriate bit of groaing and moaning, I drug the huge box into the den. I was so excited - finally I would not have to hassle with the lights, in addition I could not wait to witness the birth of our "a miracle tree."

I reviewed the directions then carefully began placing the 3 sections together. Almost instantly I became disallusioned and disappointed with our "miracle tree." As I placed the sections together it bacame evidetn that the tree had been packed so tightly in the box that it looked as it grew up laying on its side!

I comforted myself with the inner joy of knowing that in spite of the shaping work that would need to be done - our tree was pre-lite with 500 white and 500 multi-colored lights! I was so close, so excited! The 3 sections snapped together, I located the plug, found the extension cord(after exploring every drawer in the kitchen) and plugged in our pre-lite tree.

Then IT began - the most amazing-dazzling-dizzying-disco light event you have ever seen. I watched with amazement as the light show cycled through 7 pre-set, unstoppable light shows. My miracle - pre-lite tree pulsated and gyrated, til my stomach was flipping and the home management director demanded that "thing be unplugged!"

Surely upon further exploration I would find a switch or a wire or something that would enable the light explosion to be altered - but NO! The only mention I could find about the light show was a simple phrase tucted in the directions..."your miracle tree features 1000 bulbs programmed with 7 beautiful light events."

With disappointment, my miracle tree was unplugged, dismantled, and shoved back in its box awaiting a return trip to JC Penny's. Then began the hunt for the receipt...motivated by wise counsel from the home management director that "surely you saved the receipt?!"